not quite a qualified nurse (?)_nurse preceptee

well, worked on christmas and boxing day and then back again on new years eve and the 2nd of jan. well, a good off duty?? i don't know.

came back from dublin the other day. a weekend break really. it was ok. no wow factor i think. dublin lacks that oomph.

will write more about dublin trip next time. and also update on the culinary skills there but one thing to remind me of dublin is their infamous waiting service, just horrendous. ok, better not reveal too much about what i'm going to write about dublin now. swiftly moving on to work...

yes work. well, this is what nurses do, talking about work during the festive season. and the government is staging our meagre pay rise of 2.5% (=1.9% in real terms).

o, gotto go, soz, christmas show with graham norton!!! ciao

well, this is the second time i had my drug assessment and failed. yes, bloody fail again ah well. upon reflection, it was really a stupid mistake. it was flucoxacillin IV and i was going to give it PO. i think the various reasons for `thinking' or rather taking for granted that it was PO was because the patient is well, eating and drinking, no IVI etc. so, basically a `healthy chap'! &*()&

never mind. will do it again tomorrow. i'm getting quite frustrated. but not as frustrated and annoyed as when i failed the first time. i didn't get good sleep the night before, (partly due to partner's low and down mood then), and then was supposed to have the assessment on sun but my dear o dear preceptor decided that she wasn't feeling up for doing my assessment on that day despite changing my shift so that i came in on sunday specially to do my drug assessment. i'm learning to cope with her mood swings. basically i've decided that there is not much i can do about it and there is nothing that i could've said that would have changed her mind. i'll just play dumb and smile, yes keep smiling and i think it sorta get onto her nerves a bit. i wonder if she is trying to break me, conspiracy theory.....

anyway, i've decided not to get frustrated and grumpy about this. also, it's my mistake. should've adhered to the golden rule of right patient, right route, right dose! there u go, lesson learned

i shall not talk about what other nurses told me about my preceptor being harsh on me. well, i'm not exactly her best mates, lol; so, can't really expect very much; also, i don't break down in tears when the situation gets tough; maybe she hates my guts, well, subconsciously anyway; and she does like to be the one in and with power. think i've blogged about this before. it's all about power in the NHS anyway.

as long as i make sure that my patients are happy and satisfied with the care i give and yes, that they are safe under my care. i guess i can try and ignore all the politics... or perhaps not.

i hate to admit that i'm using more and more reflection to help me cope with the challenges i've faced so far on the ward and actively thinking about ways to make sure that i don't make the mistake again and identifing the sources of error or more importantly reflecting on the events which led to my mistakes etc. i'm not a true fan of reflection, not sure why but it's helping me to cope by being positive and constructive.

o yes, i've also just started a couple of psychology modules with the OU. i've got materials for social psychology and it's very interesting so far i must say. never thought sociology can be that mind boggling yes my prejudice there. well, it's hard not to discard my scientific root :-p it looks like a tough course and i'm getting a bit worried that i'm going to find the going tough as the course and work on the ward progresses. we shall see. i hope i've not overestimated my ability and get myself all stressed out about the assignments and exam, yes, one big final exam in sept! well, two cos' i'm trying to be clever and taking two modules. i can't help but laugh at myself sometime. am i really masochistic, why can't i just have a relax life, glutton for punishment really.

but then, hey, i've found reading the psychology text books a way of distracting myself from the stress on the ward. well, two very stressful days i've had so far (in my 3 months on the ward) and i really hope it won't happen again. it was awful and i really dread going to work after those two days. luckily, things are a bit more under control now. the first instance was partly because i was poorly the day before with stomach bug. so was a bit washed out and the the ward was ridiculously busy with lotsa patients needing hygiene care! and then the following shift i think was just lingering effect of that horrible day and i was still recovering from the `shock' of that horrible day. but now, things are under control. and i've reflected on those two days. the first day, well, can't do much about being ill but i think i should try and calm down and prioritise when i'm not feeling too well. make sure the critically ill patients are well looked after, the washes etc. can wait. it can be quite tough if the overzealous or panicky sister started having a fit and kept asking if patients have had their wash or wounds checked. well, prioritise, ignore those unhelpful `suggestions' !

and the second day incident - well, i should really have taken some time out and digest the handover and try and come up with a plan before getting myself sucked into the madness. stand back and have a think. why is it busy? critically ill patients? sheer number of patients needing wash? well, it'll help if i can pause for 5-10 mins and take stock before started lounging into work mode and then found myself not in control at all.

huh, it's ending up a very long entry this. didn't mean to write so much. well, merry christmas to all and a happy new year!

failed my drug assessment ie. can't do drugs yet ie. not quite qualified. reason for failure: too slow, not in control... i just don't know. perhaps i'm just `thick'. i don't see the reason to rush the drug rounds which obviously didn't go down well with my preceptor/assessor. anyway, i've kinda suss her out. there is no point in me getting annoyed or depressed about this. a lot depends on her mood. what i could do to speed things up is perhaps to stop checking the expiry date repeatedly, well at least in my next drug assessment. as long as i make her happy, i'm pretty sure she will sign me off. weird isn't it? this sorta assessment has become a tool of power. anyway, it just proves my long held belief that the health care system is so power mad and very hierachical despite all the best effort to prevent task based work which happened in the old days ie. student nurses - wash patients, new junior nurses - obs, senior nurses - administer drug, sisters - IVI perhaps etc.. well, i'm exagerating a bit of course but hey, this is still happening now! all in the name of clinical skills. it's just so difficult to see how a junior staff nurse can progress according to their ability. on my ward at least, u wait and take your turn. if it takes the sister twenty years to get to where she is now, that's exactly if not more the time that u r supposed to take to get to that position, kabish!!

anyway, looking on the bright side, i think and i hope i'll just persevere and get myself signed off at the end of my supposedly six month preceptorship. and play dumb, do as u r told and i think i'll be fine. sad really but hey, a man gotto do what a man gotto do, eh?

what else was i going to say, o yes, the bloody uniform. i cannot believe the people ordering the uniform is also trying to make my life difficult. now, i've got one set of new uniform, received after waiting for 3 fcuking months, opps, apologies for swearing. and one set was witheld till i gave back the ones they loan to me. there is no point talking about infection control to them. how on earth am i supposed to wash, dry and iron my uniform with only two sets of uniform when working 4 nights in a row is beyond me and apparently this is trust policy. what the %^&!! no one seems to complain. people just wear old uniform to work. and then we complain about MRSA etc.. i dunno.

now, looking on the bright side again, i shall try and pester the ward manager if she would sign the form for more sets of uniform for me. fingers crossed. i just don't understand why i have to chase after people about my uniform. is my life not stressful enough??

anyway, another thing to look forward to, i'm now officially an OU student. just registered myself on a couple of psychology modules. yes, i might be taking on too much here but it's a way for me to not get too stressed about work/people or i should say fcking people and do i what i want to do, that is to study - yes, and maybe have another change in career perhaps. very much doubt so but hey, whatever that makes me happy. besides, it's something to take my mind off things that depress me. now then, i suppose this will backfire if i manage to flunk my assignment or exam lol. haven't sat for exam for yonks now, lol

right, better stop here now as i've just been ping in the chatroom.

not been blogging much about nursing when i actually did blog, so here is my feeble attempt at nursey blogging...

well, i suppose one of the reasons that i'ven't been blogging much about nursing or work or my ward is because i'm slowly settling in, which is a good sign and also, nothing much has changed since i last blogged about my work.

anyway, i'll be assessed on my drug administration soon, next week to be precise. and i'll feel more `complete', more like a qualified nurse once i can administer medication.

so, my preceptor has been given me a few pointers about what to watch out for during drug administration and what drugs to omit etc. eg. one of her favourites is antihypertensive drugs like atenolol. sometimes patients blood pressure dipped quite low, about 105/60 for eg. and atenolol should be omitted. and then check up on their blood pressure and document the omission in nursing records etc. also, if patients are NBM, drugs like:
1. digoxin
2. omeprazole
3. furosemide
4.
5.
can't remember 4 and 5 now, but these drugs although not given should be then prescribed through IV. i can understand digoxin and furosemide but not quite sure why it is important to give IV omeprazole.

o yes, nearly forgot. one of the embarassing situations: question from patient - what is potassium? why is my potassium low? what is potassium for? and i flunked my reply completely!!