not quite a qualified nurse (?)_nurse preceptee

on the 10 nov, there was this mass protest on the streets of malaysia, about 400000-60000 people attended the mass rally according to al jazeera, and about 4000 according to the ever faithful local newspapers if it was reported. well, perhaps, protest is not quite the right word but a public rally to submit a memorandum to the King demanding clean and fair election (election due to be called early next year most probably). whilst i do support the call for free and fair election, i'm not very sure about the call for royal intervention. i was just going to write something rude about the royal families (9 of them or so from each state who then pick one to lead the nation for 5 years or so) or i could be charged under the sedition act for disrespecting the monarch. yep, that kind of archaeic law like the one they use in thailand. nuff said...

another protest, this time closer to `home'. a group of malaysians of indian origins has planned a mass gathering of possibly 10000 or so, to submit something, not sure what it's called to the British High commission in KL on the 23 Nov, yes, this sunday requesting HM the Queen to set up a royal commission or enquiry of some kind for the hardship and oppression they have brought to the families and children of these ethnic indian malaysians who were brought in by the British about 150 years ago. they were promised free and equitable life before the brits handed malaya its independence but the community has been sidelined since independence in 1957 and continued to be so at present day. well, if one hasn't heard of malaysian infamous quota/positive discrimination against other ethnic groups in malaysia to assist the majority malay muslims, just speak to any non malay malaysians and you'll get an earful. it's not my intention to have a discussion about this big social reengineering project, but suffice to say, plenty of ill feelings abound amongs the various ethnic groups in malaysia if one were to open ones eyes and ears (except to listen to the government).

anyway, back to this mass gathering. so, as in any other countries in the east, street protest or mass civil gathering against the government is very rare and unusual or `uneastern', hence, unlawful and people and most importantly, the government are not used to although these government purportedly practice democracy (not sure which dictionary they use). alas, police are setting up road blocks (more efficient than catching the crooks on and off the street if one were to read all the socio-politico blogs by malaysians). so, now there is this massive big traffic jams caused by the police action (but have been solely blamed on the planned protest on the local media propaganda). a quick check on the BBC news hasn't revealed anything yet. i wonder if anyone is going to take this Hindraf group seriously at all. but bravo for their spirits. o yes, and many indian malaysian lawyers who are behind the organisation of the gathering on the 23 nov have been arrested, handcuffed and all that and charged under the sedition act (yes, another legacy of the brit -oops, not trying to put any blame here).

so now, i guess it's just wait and see if there is going to be enough people power to move this arrogant and imbecile malaysian government to do something about this section of isolated, sidelined community of malaysians. and i wonder if the BBC is going to even take up the news or deemed the gathering newsworthy. we shall see...

good luck and bravo to all those to who stood and continue to stand against oppresive, authoritarian regimes. i must admit i've no balls when it comes to that, i can't even stand up for myself to the ward sisters or ward manager or some of my colleagues. am i a bad nurse? can i be a true patient advocate? can nurses be true patient advocate (standing up to the authority or their medical colleagues) - at this moment in time, i seriously doubt it.

why do people have to be unpleasant to each other?
why can't i be happy all the time?
why do i have to feel upset or sad?
why am i having these thoughts?
why do i think i'm wasting a lot of my time online?
why don't things go my way all the time?
Why am i feeling the winter blues?
why do i find it difficult to post a new blog at times?
why won't i stand up for myself?
why can't i be more assertive?
why can't i be more quick witted?
why do i still have to wait for my uniform from my trust?

why am i writing all these even?

why can't i see into my future?

what will i do when i am old?

will my children be good and happy?

will my family/relatives lead a good and happy life?

will the world come to an end? - well, that's probably a stupid question to ask cos' it's not, just won't, not in my life time anyway; unless there is a nuclear war which is extremely unlikely. so to all doomsayers, soz...maybe if u live for another few million of years, perhaps??

last why...

why am i attending the trust induction tomorrow, two months after i've started working on the ward???

alas, i moan too much..i guess i should stop now

not that what i'm going to write about in this post has anything to do with the title above, and not that i understand much about the quote/phrase anyway. so read on at your own peril.

i've meant to blog about this young malaysian politician, Khairy Jamaluddin; apparently an oxford graduate ; hence held in very high esteem in the malaysian political circle or rather within his own party which really govern the malaysian politics really. and then he became more famous after he married the current PM's only daughter, Nori. now unashamedly in his recent interview with the local media, he talked or rather boasted about how he had got things done cos' he is the PM's son in law (or SIL in m'sia). almost choked on my lunch when i read the excerpt of the interview. nepotism to the "£$%^&g core!! and the depressing thing is there was nothing mentioned about this on the mainstream newspaper about this glaring nepotism and admission from the SIL?? hello?? am i the only one awake or everyone else is hibernating even the tropical sunshine of malaysia??? i rest my case, just put me to sleep and don't let me wake up...

then i just read about the jehovah's woman who died after giving birth to twins. i guess this is how terrorists justify killing other innocent men and women in the name of religion? my feeble mind just cannot comprehend this and hence `the work of god' so, i remain agnostic/atheistic whatever; anyway as i've mentioned in my earlier post, just as well i was brought up a buddhist who doesn't believe in the almighty god or whatever you call it. but then the buddhism i was brought up in was so tainted with the beliefs of the community i was brought up in as well, so, when i reflected on this, i drifted further away from religion... i'm just not convinced about the benefit of religion if i were to be honest.

oops, just smelled burnt pizza, god's punishment was swift!!

yes, i burnt down my kitchen once whilst going online and forgetting that i was deep frying chicken years back, i should've learnt alas...

do we need religion to become good people, to be pleasant to each other? consult dawkin's god delusion, and u'll get a resounding NO.

i've at this stage forgotten about what i was going to blog about apart from that KJ SIL guy in malaysia.

can't think of anything to blog about NHS or nursing...o yes, just remembered.

does mocking your colleagues' accent count as racism?? till next time...

it's quite a difficult time to post this blog. not that i'm busy or anything but i'm feeling a bit upset about what went on this morning or earlier today. anyway, lets try and calm myself down by blogging about my work yesterday which sorta led to what transpired today.

worked yesterday. was good, yes just one word to sum it all. worked with preceptor, had a chat with her just before the end of my shift and was given some contructive feedback from her, which was a bit of surprise really. anyway, did drug round with her and to be honest i wasn't really up to the standard. wasn't myself. was a bit nervous i guess. wasn't quite sure why. well, i've never been quite sure when i'm working with another colleague. i was told to push myself forward a bit. i didn't yesterday cos' i thought there was a sister with me, so i'd just be assisting her but i was told that i should act like a staff nurse and take charge. point noted.

the other more major thing is drug administration really. i think i've let myself down in a way. i've read up on analgesics but not really on cardiac drugs. so a couple of things i was pulled up on: volterol = diclofenac (i should know this really but didn't) and have forgotten that it's NSAID ie. can't be given to patients who are either NBM or on ff only. so the pain relief that i could give to patients in this case is restricted and i need to think carefully about what i give to them. i think this is very good feedback and will push me to read up more on this topic but unfortunately, not many nurses that i have worked with have pushed me to think about things like that. so, 1-0 to my preceptor.

the other thing was about atenolol. i was about to give the patient atenolol after i had checked that his BP was fine but apparently failed to notice that it was not given the day before and i should also have looked at the trend of his BP whilst not been given the drug. they were on the low side. so, 2-0 for my preceptor. actually i did briefly look if he was given the hypertensive drug but thought it was signed but it was actually a number to indicate that drug was not given on nurse's discretion. i supposed it's not really a good enough reason but i did try and explain to my preceptor but it didn't really sound like a reason and in the end i fumbled and apologised and talked about something else. what a plonker i'm....

anyway, like i said earlier, these are constructive feedback and i'm more than happy to act on them (whilst trying not to get too personal with my preceptor about it :-p). and i went to the bookshop after work and bought a £35 pharmacology book. the challenge now is for me to read it and put it too good use what i like about the book (apart from being a new book, published 2007, and 7th edition i think) is there are questions at the end of each chapter and the questions were those that prompt one to think about drug safety and contra-indications etc.

then also met up with partner and we went to see stardust after pondering about what to do on a saturday evening. when we came out of the cinema, got missed calls and a message from the mother of our lil boy that they were in hospital due to breathing difficulties. (he had a cold earlier during the week). so, phoned the other mom up and was immediately told off for not replying. so had to explained that we were in the cinema and when u r in cinema, u turn off ur mobile phones. so, we rushed back, obviously that other mom wasn't happy. but she can be quite rude sometimes anyway. so, we stayed at theirs to look after our daughter who was asleep and the other mom went straight to the hospital to join her partner and our boy. to cut the long story short, our son apparently wasn't breathing right, so, mom 1 took him to hospital and stayed overnight while mom 2 came back after an hour or so. we went back home.

the next morning we all went to see our son. when we got there, he was busy playing with another boy, which boys do and after exchanging pleasantries, i went to look at his notes and apparently he was in a bit of a respiratory distress and was advised by the GP to bring him to the hospital. oxygen saturation was fine throughout the night etc.. so nothing major really, and then after the doctor ward round, they took him back while we waited for his salbutamol to arrive on the ward from the pharmacy. and it took like 2 hours. really ridiculous but that's what happens everywhere and i personally had patients who were to annoyed with us cos' they thought it's our fault!!

anyway, i've lost the plot now. o yes, what i forgot to mention was mom 1 had a go at us on the ward again for having our phone switched off and not bothering to check if our boy was ok yesterday before going to the cinema. what f..k..g s..t!!! not trying to be unpleasant to her or anything like that (she hadn't had any sleep during the night cos' had to pin him down when the nurses there gave our boy nebs etc. every couple of hours throughout the night) but what was this all about??? why couldn't they call us at 4pm when they rang up the GP and was told about possible admission? instead of frantically trying to contact us when we are in the cinema at 7pm and then blamed it on us for not being there?? omfg!! what do we do to deserve them i dunno, these two b.....s can be real unpleasant and rude. anyway, i kept my cool, my partner never really react to things; but i'm going to have a word with them next week when things settle down a bit i think, i just don't think we can keep on like this. it's always our fault if things go wrong. i've my own ideas why mom 2 was desperate to join mom 1 in the hospital but it's too complicated to explain all that in one post, so will leave it for the time being but hey, i'm really pissed off with them at the moment. f.....g b....h !"£$%^&*(*&^

huh...apologies for all the swearing.....i'm beginning to appreciate the saying women are from venus/men from mars!!! oops, am i turning into a sexist???

just read this on thestar.com.my ; quite refreshing to see the the british media/bbc on the `spotlight' of a malaysian columnist, but then, how many people read their local writers' columns??

here is the article...

#
Even a royal visit sees double standards at play

MIDWEEK WITH BUNN NAGARA

WHEN Britain invited King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia for a state visit this week, the first Saudi royal visit in 20 years, it was supposed to be a memorable occasion.

The king would be greeted by Prince Charles on arrival, then ride in a state carriage procession yesterday with Queen Elizabeth II before dining at a royal banquet. Staying at the queen’s official residence at Buckingham Palace, Abdullah would then meet Prime Minister Gordon Brown for talks today.

These events are taking place, but are becoming unforgettable for the wrong reasons. British critics of Abdullah, including some parliamentarians, human rights NGOs and the media, denounce the Saudi monarch’s rule for repression, human rights abuses including torture, discrimination against women and corruption.

Then on the eve of the visit, a BBC interview sparked more self-righteous indignation. Abdullah reportedly said through an interpreter that Riyadh had supplied Britain (in December 2004) with intelligence tips about the deadly July 2005 bombings in London, but British authorities chose to ignore them.

British authorities say the tip-off was “insufficient,” “materially different” from what was required to make effective arrests, or just “not credible.” But intelligence officials in several countries have said the Saudis had come to know the plot would involve explosives to be triggered in crowded parts of London, had a Syrian contact, but at least some of the bombers would be British citizens.

Where Saudi and British governments are both implicated or culpable, somehow the British side make it all out to be Saudi Arabia’s fault. This includes criticism of the British government’s hospitality, without reporting why London had invited Abdullah to visit in the first place or any recognition that Riyadh has lately been introducing moderate reforms.

If indeed Saudi Arabia is guilty as alleged, Britain had wallowed in a major supporting role and continues to do so. British authorities must know of any unsavoury details, yet have consistently chosen to work closely with the Saudis.

British parliamentarian Andrew Tyrie said if Britain had so much as allowed CIA flights carrying kidnapped persons for “extraordinary rendition” (torture overseas) in places like Saudi Arabia, it would be guilty of violating both criminal law and the UN Convention Against Torture. Early last year it was revealed that British authorities had been complicit in that.

On corruption, Saudi Arabia is reviled in the British media and elsewhere for receiving arms kickbacks, but the spotlight is off where there may be guilty Britons. Britain’s Serious Fraud Office last year investigated the £43bil (RM297bil) Al-Yamamah arms deal, where British Aerospace denied any wrongdoing.

Yet after investigators began their work, then prime minister Tony Blair put a stop to it. If guilt exists, an investigation would have identified not just Saudi individuals but also Britons, including politically connected ones.

If there had been no corruption, why was the investigation halted when it could have proved that no party was guilty? Saudi pressure had reportedly been placed on London to stop the inquiry, but Downing Street must also have been relieved that no dirty linen had been exposed.

All this has instilled some cynicism in the British media. There is general disbelief that Saudi Arabia had provided Britain with enough information to apprehend the 2005 bombers, as there is incredulity that Riyadh would have withheld intelligence cooperation on terrorism if Britain did not stop the arms inquiry.

Yet what level of intelligence would be “sufficient” to motivate British authorities to take necessary action? What exactly is required for MI5 or Scotland Yard to begin unearthing further intelligence on their own, adequate for the necessary arrests?

Tony Blair did not require much proof to start a war based on Saddam Hussein being a threat to the world “within 45 minutes.” And Prime Minister Gordon Brown isn’t asking for much verification of Iran’s “nuclear threat” before launching sanctions against Teheran.

British critics of King Abdullah dismiss as disingenuous his criticism of British inaction over Saudi intelligence information. But Saudis may still have much to learn from their British counterparts on that score.
#

well, finally get to meet this ward manager of mine to discuss my `issues'. but as always, i didn't manage to let the other person know fully what was on my mind. ah well, another life experience...

so, had this meeting which was supposed to be about my personal/professional development plan but due to me being rushed in my meeting with the ward manager, we ended up just talking for about 2 minutes which is highly undesirable really from my own point of view as i've loads to get off my chest.

so, no prospect or prospect is not good anyway, of increasing my current hours to full time as there was no money in the pot. to be fair, i thought she tried her best and spoke to the matron on behalf of us newly qualified nurses on the ward about the posibilities of having our hours increased but hey, the usual excuse no money. it really annoys me when i remembered watching on the telly yesterday the docs protesting etc. about the possibility of no jobs to turn to and the BMA was equally supportive. and look at what RCN, UNison etc. have done for the nursing profession, us newly qualifieds who were lucky enough to get a job? albeit a part time one? and what about those still actively looking for jobs?? what have u done, RCN?? shame on u!! and u have the cheek to increase your subscription etc. boooooooooooooo!

also, told ward manager about my interest in research. since i'm only working part time and have plenty of time in hand, thought i could get involved in research which is one of my main interests but was instead told to concentrate in getting my competencies done. well, good point except that when i looked at the competencies listed in my preceptorship booklet last time, they were the things that we had done as students and had been signed off umpteenth time!! ok, i'm more than prepared to be assessed again on my aseptic techniques etc.. bla di bla but hey, wait a minute, i need to get hold of my preceptor and where has she gone...oops holiday!! or nope, she is around but too busy to work with me (her usual excuse and worse, she would say something like `u r doing really well, no negative comments from nurses / colleagues that u worked with so far, keep up the good work that kinda good s...t) but then still no where near to pinning her down for a half an hour interview to get my competencies signed off. what the f..k!!!! what's the point of telling me how good i'm when what is important to me (apart from the patients, well, have to throw that in, don't i?) is my preceptorship booklet; if i don't get that signed, i'ven't really got much of a future in my career prospect ie. pay increment etc. , huh, ....perhaps i'm too impatient, but hey, it's my life we are talking about. i can't afford to go on holiday like you lot can while i still stay on part time band 5 Afc, got it??

how can i not get annoyed when people just simply don't have any regards for u, or perhaps i'm a bit harsh but what conclusion can i draw from my experience so far of trying to get my book signed off? (well, getting the book was a herculean task on its own, had to wait for 6 weeks before i get one whilst my newly qualified friends on other wards had theirs on the first week they start, just plain inconsiderate isn't it?)

anyway, i better write the tasks that i've performed down here now before i forget; also a good piece of hard evidence that i've done quite a lot of the competencies outlined in the book whilst they were busy not signing my book!!

dressing, aseptic technique involved
doing daily care plans, assessment, planning, implementation and evaluation of care
assisted patients in eating and drinking, hygiene care - shower (assisted with bath before which i forgot to put in my entry last week or the week before)
controlled drugs checking/administration
monitoring urine output, fluid balance chart etc.

ok, that's the things i can remember, will try and add things in this entry ...o yes, caring of IV cannulae, administration of IV infusion.

ok, baby sitting duty soon... gotto get rid of all the swear words in my head as i'm supposed to be a good role model to kids (according to their moms) huh...